Riots Of The Heart
Deep seeded inner conflicts appear to have a fate of their own, at times rising up to the occasion to battle their way through or remaining myopically unresolved for life. Finally, the only thing that comes out convincingly victorious, is time. I have often wondered about how one fails to step up from this inner trap which keeps contradicting one’s own firm convictions in life.
After all we do grow up with well satiated impressions through our own set of experiences. Childhood makes the backbone of our long term sentiments, while teenage gives a character to some seriously contradictory expressions. By the time we construct our own standing in this constantly judging environment, time gets on a steady rampage, sometimes asking us to submit or to mostly suppress.
But nevertheless the challenge of facing constant antagonising emotions, always has a ripping edge.
It rips the farce in the personality and presents the real person. Even if that means, taking time to do so.
And that gets us dramatically to the much ripened middle age.
An age where one thinks of settling in with who you are and what you’re made up of. Then comes a day, where you will discover that you’ve actually been working till now, on broadening your ability to accommodate multiple perceived personality roles. There will be multiple personalities circumventing within a single person as if it’s a humane’ concoction. And the inner struggle instead of stabilising, only grows multifold. This kind of takes away all your passive self control.
Then we also strangely start feeling comfortable with who we are at different times of the day and obviously put ourselves on a creative display depending on who we are meeting. At home one gives in to established expectations, with friends one tries to touch upon unexplored but safe boundaries, officially we are on a constant judgement spree and then act upon them rationally. In the age progressive transition, when does this inner compartmentalisation ever happen? Or was it being successfully marketed as being well polished and well groomed?
This innate capacity of securing multiple traits of different people within you and presenting them on a trigger of the occasion, it’s an absolute riot.
But then can one realise this disorder and decongest their within? Maybe yes.
And this seems to be the reason of constant inwards clashes too. Once, if you’re aware of the fact that you come across as an ensemble of multiple impressionable reactions, you must try and disentangle yourself from that kind of perception. It’s going to be relieving, living life of just one, sane person and you will successfully steer yourself clear of this emotional cocktail.
How does one go about making that happen and calm that mind which may again spring up some trivial but existing reasons?
Well, I have known Robin, my neighbour, since childhood and he is one such person who looks like having been an emotionally stable person all across his age groups. Currently he is employed with a bank. I was keen to understand the reason behind his seamless calmness and serenity. Whenever he walks into the room, there is a whiff of lesser drama and more real conversation. There was surely something more that met the eye. There had to be an inner story with convincing amount of unmasking. I was all ready to bask into a deeper conversation.
Robin mentioned a couple of things which resonated so well with my topic of research too. His challenges were nothing different but were handled in a charmingly unique manner.
“It’s like my heart and my mind are a set of parents. They cannot do without each other and they will also have their own opinion”To me there seemed to be a plethora of comparisons that I could draw from this one statement. If my mind was like a father who did not have to struggle for control, then my heart was like my mother, who would not let the mind decide independently. She had to have a say and that often led to inner conflicts. “I just somehow have trained myself to have a healthy and happy set of inner parents” Robin said. “And how do you possibly do that?” “Its easy, I let them both be and not pressurise them to agree with the other. Like if my mind says something, I don’t let the heart influence it and the same space I give to the heart. So finally I am a good mix of both. Confusion and clashes happens if you can’t segregate their roles”
It’s a great tip for those who fill up their limited capacity vacuum to handle conflicts, by picking up subtle traits from different people, they interact with. Would rather have clarity within and keep yourself restricted to one person having one unique personality.
Whatever the learning here was, one thing was for sure, we can avoid these innermost riots , a lot of times, unless circumstantial.
Just step up and focus on staying much simplified, preference wise.
Blogpost by Pooja Chandra
Alternative and Holistic Healing Practitioner
